One thing that really helps me get through hard times is songwriting, and the night that Indy died, I started writing a tender, loving lullaby to him.

Thanks to the sensitivity and expertise of my producer Seth Horan, “Last Lullaby” is now fully realized as a recording that embodies the feelings of motherly love, loss, tenderness, longing and acceptance I struggled with that night.

In the spirit of sharing this song with as many people as possible, I’m making this recording available for free.

My hope is that this song is healing and cathartic for those who need it, and beautiful for those who don’t.  If the song touches you, please share it with your friends.  I would be honored.

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE DOWNLOAD

If you’d like to know more about my last evening with Indy, please read on.  After reading our story, I believe you’ll come away with a deeper understanding of what the lyrics to “Last Lullaby” mean for me.

Indy’s Last Night

When Indy first came home from the vet that afternoon, I knew it would be our last night together.  The doctor had been treating him with IV fluids all week, and instead of improving, Indy’s body was starting to show signs of shutting down. The vet sent him home, telling us to enjoy one last evening with our baby.  We had an appointment to return the next morning at 10am to put him to sleep.

When Indy first got home, I cradled him in my arms and tried to make him as comfortable as I could. The photo I used for the song’s artwork was taken by Andrew while I was trying to comfort Indy upon his arrival home (if you look closely, you can see a little bandage on Indy’s front paw where he’d been receiving fluids from the vet all week). This photo is the last one that Indy and I took together.

As day turned into evening, Indy and I (plus Andrew and our dear friend Ilene) sat on the couch together and watched “The Big Lebowski,” which was great for a bit of much-needed light-heartedness.

But as the evening progressed, it was clear that Indy was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He continually tried to reposition his body, despite being decreasingly able to move his legs. No matter how he tried to move, he seemed uncomfortable in the true sense of the word: unable to be comforted (at least physically).

I took him upstairs to lie on my bed, and tried to arrange his head on my pillow, as he didn’t seem to have the strength to hold his head up by himself.  All I could do was watch over him as his breathing became more labored and the toxins from his damaged kidneys slowly overtook his body.

Indy needed me that night, but I couldn’t cuddle and pet him as I used to — he was sensitive to light and touch and I could tell that stroking his fur was irritating, rather than soothing him.  As I agonized over the right thing to do, unable to help my baby as he lay next to me in pain, I did my best to just lie next to him and be there for him as we shared our last few hours together.  It was so hard not to be able to cuddle him to make both of us feel better.

In the early morning hours, I debated whether I should bring him to the emergency vet to put him down (I couldn’t stand seeing him suffer), but Andrew and I decided that it would be less jarring to Indy’s senses if we could wait it out with him in our dark bedroom until 8am, when our familiar vet’s office opened in the morning.

In order to deal with my overwhelming feelings of loss and helplessness, in the wee hours of the morning I brought a pen and paper over to the bed and began writing what would become “Last Lullaby” — the song I wish I could’ve sung to my beloved baby that night.

It turns out we didn’t have to wait until 8am, and Indy didn’t have to endure another trip to the vet.  He took his last breaths in my arms around 6am that morning, and then I laid him on my bed to tearfully say my goodbyes.

I do still miss him every day, but I also feel incredibly lucky to have had such a sweet, silly, iconic & cuddly character in my life.  I’m grateful to have had the time with him that I did, and to now be able to share this song with you.

Here’s a photo of the lyrics in progress a day or two after I started them, with Indy’s sister Pumpkin keeping watch:

Thanks for reading about Indy & me, and for sharing our song with your friends & family.

One evening, to my surprise, Slash (post-Guns N’ Roses era) was in the club and got onstage to jam.  He played several songs, and after he was done, I ran into him at the back of the club and complimented his playing (I’ve been a huge Slash fan ever since G N’ R’s first album).

Inexplicably, out of the blue, this legendary guitar hero asked me if he could trade t-shirts with me — on the spot — and, believe it or not, it didn’t *at all* come across as a come-on!  I was perplexed, but excited to potentially leave the club wearing Slash’s t-shirt, so I said “yes, but I’ll need your shirt first so I can go into the bathroom and change into it when I take mine off.”  He was fine with that, and proceeded to peel the shirt right off his back, handing it to me.

The first thing I noticed when I put on his shirt was that it was SOAKED with sweat (he had, after all, just come offstage).  I also noticed that it was HUGE on me, but I really didn’t care.  After all, I was wearing my hero’s t-shirt!  I came out of the bathroom, handed him my shirt, and he put it on (fortunately, it wasn’t one of those super-tight girlie tees!).

Now, whenever I tell this story, people ask me “What did your t-shirt say to make him want it so much?”  I wish I could remember.  I know it wasn’t my Co-Ed Prison Sluts shirt, ‘cuz I still have that one.  What I do remember is talking to my friend Johnny Griparic about the incident and learning something fascinating.  Johnny — Slash’s bass player at the time — revealed to me that everywhere they went, Slash asked people to trade t-shirts with him.  Apparently, Slash had a CLOSET full of other people’s t-shirts at home!  (I guess that’s ONE way to avoid shopping…)  For a minute, I felt a little less special (okay, a LOT less special!) than I had right after pulling Slash’s sticky sweaty shirt over my head and onto my bare skin (eww!).  However, I soon got over my disappointment and got excited all over again that I now owned a shirt previously sweat-upon by Slash.  Too bad I’m totally uncomfortable wearing it in public!!! (see why below)

Even though I had been vaguely aware of a water crisis, it was shocking for me to see how there are over 800 million people still struggling to get clean water every single day. These people – usually women and children – spend hours just trying to gather water for their families, often settling for dirty and disease-causing mud rather than fresh, clean water. What was so inspiring to me is learning that this is actually one of the few global problems that we DO know how to solve. In fact, it can be solved in our lifetime — we have the tools and the technology, and charity:water has already brought clean water to millions of people.

CLICK HERE to see how clean water changes everything, including improving local food supplies, gender equality, and children’s education levels.

Charity:water is not only doing great work; it’s an innovative organization that is changing the way charities approach global issues. 100% of public donations to charity:water go directly to water projects in the field, and donors have the opportunity to track the projects they’ve contributed to and to actually see the people they’re helping via GPS technology. Check out their 4-star rating on Charity Navigator.

For these reasons, I pledged to “give up” my birthday this year (admittedly not a tough proposition for a lady-entertainer in Los Angeles!).

I’m asking my friends, family & fans to donate to charity:water this September in lieu of any birthday gifts.

If you’d like to contribute to a solution to the water crisis, please JOIN ME and donate whatever you can this week. My goal is for my community to contribute $5,000 to charity:water by my birthday, September 6.

CLICK HERE TO HELP!  Thanks in advance, and a Very Merry Un-Birthday to YOU!

My book is aimed at aspiring singer-songwriters who want to learn how to play guitar by learning songs from some of the best female artists in the world – Carole King, ani difranco, Heart, Sheryl Crow, KT Tunstall, Stevie Nicks, Taylor Swift, and many, many more (including two Ali Handal songs!).

One of my favorite aspects of the book is that each section is introduced with an inspiring quote from a female musician. I also included my own words of encouragement regarding healthy practice habits, working hard to persevere at difficult tasks, and having patience with oneself throughout the learning process. Basically, I wrote the book I wish *I* had been given as a kid!

Also included with the book is a CD containing audio examples of all song excerpts, including solo acoustic performances of me singing five full songs. Throughout the book I did my best to choose songs that were not only do-able for beginner guitar players, but that also sent a positive message to young girls.

Hal Leonard is planning on releasing the book this fall, and I’m currently brainstorming all kinds of ideas to spread its teachings far and wide. Stay tuned for an opportunity to purchase a signed book directly from me, as well as attend a special book release party in Los Angeles.

Have you ever worked on a project that you weren’t allowed to tell anybody about? Inquiring minds want to know!

CLICK HERE to see Ali in action.

If you haven’t yet explored the vast world of podcasting, I highly recommend you do.  Podcasts are like radio-style talk & music shows that you can download and listen to through your smartphone or your computer.

The big advantage of podcasts over traditional media sources (like terrestrial radio & TV) is that you can find incredibly UNIQUE content on virtually any subject, all for free and available for you to listen to at ANY TIME — totally on your own schedule.

My favorite time to listen to podcasts is when I have chores to do around the house (you know, like the hours I spend hand-washing cat food bowls & filing song lyrics). I also download podcasts to keep me company on tour — especially on those long stretches of Highway 5 where I can’t find a decent radio station!

People make podcasts about virtually every subject you can imagine.  Some are video podcasts, though I prefer audio podcasts, as I like to multi-task while listening.  Here’s a few of my favorites:

WTF with Marc Maron - I never miss an episode of WTF!  Marc Maron is one of my favorite comedians, and his podcast tackles life’s most important philosophical questions (e.g., WTF?!).  Marc thoughtfully interviews comedians of all stripes, celebrity guests, and the neurotic voices in his own head in a way that makes millions of listeners, including myself, feel not-so-alone in our own struggles. Warning: Explicit Content.

The Serial Killers Podcast – I know, I know — Why am I listening to this?!  The same reason I love crime TV shows — because serial killers are creepily fascinating!  Brian Combs explores the history, psychopathy, and psychosis of serial murderers, and while Brian is new to broadcasting, the content is always riveting.  

The Moth – This podcast features people telling true, engaging, funny, and poignant stories from their lives, all in front of a live audience.  I love it!

     

Indy and I enjoyed 16 wonderful years together, full of laughter, singing, meowing, purring, and lots & lots of cuddling.

We spent our last evening together cuddled up on the couch, watching “The Big Lebowski” with hubby Andrew and our dear friend Ilene.  Andrew and I did our best to comfort Indy throughout the night, and when it appeared that he was suffering, I picked him up and cradled him in my arms.  He passed away within a few minutes, and I laid him on the bed and said my final goodbyes.

Indy’s spirit has always been larger than life, and it’s hard to believe that he’s gone.  Indy’s little sister Pumpkin has been very comforting throughout our ordeal — always quick to jump on my lap for a cuddle.

Thank you for all of the kindness and words of support you’ve been sharing with me — I appreciate it so very much.

xoxo